2005: the year-end meme

[radegund]

2005 started out very well, but after some early peaks it basically descended into a dark tangle of struggle and tedium (I am thoroughly bored by my demons; they don't seem to be getting the message). Hence, my year-end meme is depressing in spots. You have been warned.

[ 2004 | 2003 ]

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Let's start with the good stuff, shall we? Married niallm and had an absolutely STONKING pair of parties to celebrate. Whee! Still grinning about that. Also, in association with this event, sang on stage while a hundred people danced, cheered and roared the lyrics back at me (yes, we were our own wedding band: Bridezilla and the Pop Philosophers - it was FABULOUS). Celebrated my son's first birthday. Filled a Christmas stocking.

Then there's the less good stuff. Much of that is More Of The Bloody Same, but there are some "firsts" in there too. Suffered a significant salary cut, for instance. Had actual, fully articulated thoughts along the lines of "the world would be a better place if I were dead". Felt the urge to harm myself (didn't, though). And there's also the thing I'm not telling you because I don't know how/whether I want to write about it. Maybe I will, at some point.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I quote from last year:

Goals for 2005 include decluttering, finishing one novel, decluttering, submitting poetry and short stories to magazines and competitions, decluttering, marrying niallm, decluttering, and PLAYING WITH MY BABY.

Well, we did declutter a little bit. Didn't finish a novel, but progressed. Submitted one short story and a handful of poems (no hits yet). Married niallm, and took ever-increasing pleasure in playing with my utterly exquisite son. That actually wasn't so bad! I'm shocked.

Goals for 2006 include (you guessed it) decluttering, finishing one novel, making a concerted attempt to find a literary agent, slaying a selection of my more biddable demons, making new curtains for the living-room, getting into the habit of mending things, and being better prepared for the winter festivities than I was this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Some old friends of niallm's, but nobody close enough for the baby to be a regular feature of my life.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
As it happens, a great-aunt on my mother's side - just like last year. She wasn't very close, though.

5. What countries did you visit?
Northern Ireland. France. Lots of bits of Ireland (Connemara, Kerry, Limerick, Kilkenny, Wicklow). Another very travel-poor year, but honestly, I don't think I would've enjoyed more adventurous trips. I need more practice before holidays with offspring are not more tiring than staying at home.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Last year's answer to this question still stands: Enough sex. Enough sleep.

I'd also like a sense of proportion, please.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The wedding parties on 8 and 12 February were pretty unforgettable, as was Oisín's first birthday on 22 August.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not having an all-expenses-paid, bells-and-whistles, cry-for-help, they're-coming-to-take-me-away-ha-ha nervous breakdown. Went back to psychotherapy instead, which was undoubtedly a good move, but I've only had two sessions so it remains to be seen how much of a difference it will make.

9. What was your biggest failure?
If you'd asked me in April, I would have said, "not being appointed to the logical extension of the job I'd been doing for two years". But in retrospect, that wasn't really a failure - both because there were forces at work that were entirely beyond my control, and because it genuinely opened more doors than it shut. (Still stings, though!)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
One of the main reasons that I decided to take a career break is that I've had about 35 sick days this year. It's all been for niggly little things - a pustulent tonsil here, an inflamed conjunctiva there - but it adds up.

I'm in two minds about whether to describe my current depression as "illness". (It's mainly, I think, a direct result of sixteen months of chronic sleep deprivation.) I'm fighting it without drugs, for the moment, and I'd rather not medicalise it more than I have to.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My half of the Saturday wedding party! Can't think of anything really thingy that stands out - although my wedding outfits were pretty excellent.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
niallm's, for being my rock and my stay throughout the year. My sister's, for her inexhaustible patience with the Oyster. Our parents', for their enormous help with the wedding stuff and their loving grandparenting. Our Committee's (we didn't have bridesmaids and groomsyouths), for all they did to make the Saturday party as excellent as it was.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
That of the usual suspects (Bush, Blair and chums). That of the management of Irish Ferries. In my darker moments, mine.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Once again, the mortgage. The wedding came a close second, though :-)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Are you bored yet? Yes, I would like to state that I got pretty excited about OUR WEDDING CELERBRATIONS. Also Oisín's first birthday.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Any of the ones we performed as Bridezilla and the Pop Philosophers: Billy Bragg, "The Milkman of Human Kindness"; Sinéad O'Connor, "Mandinka"; The Cure, "Lovesong"; and REM, "It's the End of the World as We Know It" (yes, ALL the words!).

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Sadder. By a LONG shot.
ii. thinner or fatter?
Probably a little thinner, but I actually have no idea.
iii. richer or poorer?
In cashflow terms, slightly poorer (but about to become considerably so). In asset terms, richer (gotta love that Dublin housing boom...).

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Spending time with Oisín and niallm (jointly and severally). Keeping in touch with my friends. Sleeping. Having sex. Writing. Being at peace.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Working for pay. Procrastinating at work. Fretting. Worriting. Stressing. Beating myself up. Crawling into dank holes of irrationality and refusing to come out.

20. How [did you spend] Christmas?
We had our usual Christmas Eve: lunch at my parents' house with family friends, then dinner at my uncle's house. niallm was on call on Christmas Day from 06:00 to 18:00. We spent the early part of the day at home, where Niall's mother called around to deposit a MOUNTAIN of presents. Then we went to my parents' house for dinner. Our visit was punctuated by Niall having to drive back to our house because the alarm had gone off. (No break-in: we reckon it was someone throwing a stone or a beer-can that hit a window. Argh.)

21. What was your favourite month in 2005?
[At last! Question 21 has been missing from this meme ever since I've seen it, but pisica had it in this year. I don't know if she made it up or whether it was there in the version she got, but thanks anyway!]

That would be February. With the wedding parties.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Not with anyone new.

23. How many one night stands?
None. (It wouldn't be enormously classy to have a one-night stand within a year of marrying one's long-term monogamous partner.)

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
This was an exceptional year, in that I enjoyed - and made plans to watch - some current television. I loved the new Doctor Who, and I was greatly amused by QI (before the bastards in BBC Northern Ireland moved it from its comfortable 10pm-on-Friday slot to make way for some limp variety show). Other than that, we've been rediscovering Jeremy Brett's Sherlock Holmes on DVD and chuckling over Robin of Sherwood, and I've intemperately binged my way to the end of Buffy Season 3.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. Hating people is not something I do.

26. What was the best book you read?
Probably John Holt, How Children Learn.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I haven't discovered much in the way of new music. The new Kate Bush album (Christmas present from Niall), however, seems pretty cool.

28. What did you want and get?
An absolutely fantastic wedding celebration. A lovely honeymoon.

29. What did you want and not get?
Enough sleep. The job I applied for. Peace of mind.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
We went to the cinema precisely once this year. We saw The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Let us draw a veil.

On the other hand, we also joined a DVD-by-post service, so I've seen more films in the last few months than in the previous, oh, probably three years. My favourite of those, I think, was O, Brother, Where Art Thou?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
It was my day off. I went to the Knitting and Stitching Show in the RDS, then in the evening I was SURPRISED by niallm having invited a whole pile of friends around for a party. It was great. I was 31.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Eight consecutive hours of sleep. Just once. I mean, obviously, more than once would have been even better, but let's not overstretch our imaginations.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Machine-washable. Insufficiently populated (must buy a pile of new tops in the sales).

34. What kept you sane?
This question assumes that I remained sane.

OK, OK. niallm. My friends (particularly glitzfrau, once she came home). Oisín.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Meh. Maybe Eliza Dushku, a little bit.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Irish Ferries obscenity.

37. Whom did you miss?
My old self.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Joint award goes to jane_the_23rd and leedy, two foxy, fabulous, fascinating ladies, whom I am delighted to know.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
There is no way around time. The only way is through.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Not unrelated to last year's: I am tired; I am weary; I could sleep for a thousand years (Velvet Underground).