Oyster Report, part 1 (wit and wisdom)
Jul. 21st, 2007 11:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
radegundOh, god, it's been SO LONG since I wrote an oyster report (got pregnant about a month after the last one) that I'm going to have to break this one into chunks. I'll start with some of the conversations and observations we've had since last time.
Recent conversations (since the beginning of July)
[Thomas the Tank Engine is very much flavour of the month.]
Oyster: What's Stepney?
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niallm: What do you mean, what's Stepney?
Oyster: What is Stepney?
Niall: Well, I don't know what Stepney is.
Oyster: Look it up on the Internet!
Niall: *does so*
Niall: OK, apparently Stepney is an LB&SCR A1 Class 'Terrier' 0-6-0T tank locomotive.
Oyster: *satisfied grin*
[Mama is making dinner while the Oyster watches the Thomas DVD.]
Oyster: Put on "Busy Going Backwards".
Mama: *does so*
Oyster: "Busy Going Backwards", by Ellanin Ahlberg!*
Mama: Oh, do you know what? These stories are actually by someone called the Reverend W. Awdry.
Oyster: *frowns* The Reverend W. Awdry. *settles down to watch*
Mama: *goes and gets on with dinner*
*time passes*
Oyster (from living room): UNNY IS SAD, MAMA!
Mama (coming in): Oh, dear, are you sad, love?
Oyster: Unny is.
Mama: I'm sorry to hear that. *sits down and gives him a hug*
Oyster: No, a hug won't help!
Mama: Oh, no! A hug won't help? Well, is there anything else that might help?
Oyster (in tones of desolation): Nothing will help. *heaves deep sigh*
Mama: I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon.
Oyster: Unny is sad because that story is by W. Awdry.
Mama: *manages not to laugh* You're right, we can't do very much about that.
(Later, he proposed a solution to his woeful predicament: some of the other stories are by Ellanin Ahlberg. Fine by me.)
* This means "Janet and Allan Ahlberg", authors of many favourite books.
[We pass a church.]
Oyster: What's that big building?
Mama: That's a church.
Oyster: A church is where people go to spray.
[We are planning to build an extension, which involves demolishing the lean-to section of our kitchen. We haven't discussed this directly with Oisín at all.]
Oyster (out of the blue): Unny doesn't want to knock down* our house.
Mama: Oh, we're not going to knock down our house, just the end of the kitchen and the garage, so we can have a much nicer kitchen and a laundry space and a new bathroom with a bath.
Oyster: *thinks for a bit* Unny doesn't want to knock down our house. Unny thinks our house is great.
* Pronounced "lock down".
Easter to June
[Oisín is charging up and down the hall and kitchen.]
Oyster (pausing): I throw in the towel!
Mama: What does that mean, you throw in the towel?
Oyster: It's just an expression, Mama. It goes, I give up! I throw in the towel!
[We are at formal Sunday lunch in my parents' house, complete with grandmother, chatting away about something relatively genteel. Oisín is sitting at the other end of the table from me. He wants my attention.]
Oyster: Unny wants to ask Mama a question.
Assembled company: *quietens down, attends*
Oyster: When horses pee and poo, what do they pee and poo out of?
Assembled company: *manages not to laugh*
(I told him "their bottoms", and mentioned that people normally don't talk about pee and poo at mealtimes. I was pretty sure he was looking for something more specifically anatomical, but for some reason I found it impossible to say "urethra" and "anus" (which would be my usual response in private) at my parents' lunch table. I suppose social niceties are sometimes as important as accuracy...)
[Leaving my parents' house; Oisín has been gnawing on an apple. He's clearly had enough, but he's reluctant to go.]
Mama: OK, time to go now. Bye-bye apple.
Oyster: No, NOT bye-bye, because it doesn't have a mouth or a nose or eyes or ... a chin!
[More on the category boundaries front: we're eating outdoors from paper plates.]
Mama: Will I clear Unny's plate away?
Oyster: No, because it's outside, not in a house.
February to Easter
[There's a Maisy Mouse episode where the friends build "a castle for King Panda" out of bricks.]
Oyster: Unny going to build a castle for King Mama.
Niall: You mean for Queen Mama.
Mama: No, King Mama! Come on!
Oyster (to Niall): Not green Mama!
Mama: I'm not green, am I?
Oyster: Mama is beige-ish.
[The obsession with the triple CD of children's songs was still in full swing (it's worn off now).]
Oyster: Sing "Me and My Teddy Bear".
Mama: *does so; all goes well until the line "Every night he's with me"*
Oyster: No, wibby.
Mama: OK, every night he's wibby.
Oyster: Wibby!
Mama: Yes, wibby.
Oyster: *sighs* We'll have to play it on the CD music player, because Mama doesn't know it.
[I'm sitting at my desk; Oisín's playing in the adjoining living room.]
Oyster (to himself): What's Unny thinking? Unny's going to play some chess. Unny's getting it out.
*sound as of large, heavy chess set being dragged off shelf*
Mama: Do you need help?
Oyster: Unny does. Needs help from [*points dramatically*] Help Woman!
(Later, with a rook clamped in the jaws of his toy JCB: Where does these rooks go?)
[Gender identity was still pretty fluid until a couple of months ago; less so these days.]
Mama: Now, little man -
Oyster: Unny's not a man.
Mama: No, you're right, you're not a man yet. But you'll grow up to be a man.
Oyster: Or a woman.
Mama: Yes, or a woman.
[Niall and I have a fairly standard budgetting conversation. Next day, I'm at the ATM getting cash out.]
Oyster: Mama's getting some money.
Mama: Yes, I'm getting money out of the cash machine.
Oyster: Because Niall just used all of Mama's money.
[I don't know where he got this one - it was months before he weaned.]
Want some real milk, which is milk in a glass.
[On encountering a rocking duck.]
You can't go on ducks! They go on the water. I think it's a toy duck, though, because you can go on it.
[We see some diggers by the side of the road.]
Where are all the other ones? Maybe they're asleep. They'll wake up when it's morning-time and eat their breakfast, which is earth. Their mouth is a scoop.
[We have been discussing the anatomy of his plastic cattle.]
Niall's a cow called a bull 'cause he has no udder just a penis.
(Conversely, while being a horse, Unny has a tail instead of a penis.)
[On the shearing of sheep.]
Somebody cuts all their fur off and it's tickly and they go baaaaaa! baaaaaa!
[First time I heard him use the word "naughty" - it's not really a feature of his vocabulary.]
These are the naughty pigs. They stick out their ... mouths. Their mouths are naughty.
[On feline motion.]
Cats walk when they're lying down.
[On anatine maturation.]
Geese are adult ducks.
Recent conversations (since the beginning of July)
[Thomas the Tank Engine is very much flavour of the month.]
Oyster: What's Stepney?
niallm: What do you mean, what's Stepney?Oyster: What is Stepney?
Niall: Well, I don't know what Stepney is.
Oyster: Look it up on the Internet!
Niall: *does so*
Niall: OK, apparently Stepney is an LB&SCR A1 Class 'Terrier' 0-6-0T tank locomotive.
Oyster: *satisfied grin*
[Mama is making dinner while the Oyster watches the Thomas DVD.]
Oyster: Put on "Busy Going Backwards".
Mama: *does so*
Oyster: "Busy Going Backwards", by Ellanin Ahlberg!*
Mama: Oh, do you know what? These stories are actually by someone called the Reverend W. Awdry.
Oyster: *frowns* The Reverend W. Awdry. *settles down to watch*
Mama: *goes and gets on with dinner*
*time passes*
Oyster (from living room): UNNY IS SAD, MAMA!
Mama (coming in): Oh, dear, are you sad, love?
Oyster: Unny is.
Mama: I'm sorry to hear that. *sits down and gives him a hug*
Oyster: No, a hug won't help!
Mama: Oh, no! A hug won't help? Well, is there anything else that might help?
Oyster (in tones of desolation): Nothing will help. *heaves deep sigh*
Mama: I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon.
Oyster: Unny is sad because that story is by W. Awdry.
Mama: *manages not to laugh* You're right, we can't do very much about that.
(Later, he proposed a solution to his woeful predicament: some of the other stories are by Ellanin Ahlberg. Fine by me.)
* This means "Janet and Allan Ahlberg", authors of many favourite books.
[We pass a church.]
Oyster: What's that big building?
Mama: That's a church.
Oyster: A church is where people go to spray.
[We are planning to build an extension, which involves demolishing the lean-to section of our kitchen. We haven't discussed this directly with Oisín at all.]
Oyster (out of the blue): Unny doesn't want to knock down* our house.
Mama: Oh, we're not going to knock down our house, just the end of the kitchen and the garage, so we can have a much nicer kitchen and a laundry space and a new bathroom with a bath.
Oyster: *thinks for a bit* Unny doesn't want to knock down our house. Unny thinks our house is great.
* Pronounced "lock down".
Easter to June
[Oisín is charging up and down the hall and kitchen.]
Oyster (pausing): I throw in the towel!
Mama: What does that mean, you throw in the towel?
Oyster: It's just an expression, Mama. It goes, I give up! I throw in the towel!
[We are at formal Sunday lunch in my parents' house, complete with grandmother, chatting away about something relatively genteel. Oisín is sitting at the other end of the table from me. He wants my attention.]
Oyster: Unny wants to ask Mama a question.
Assembled company: *quietens down, attends*
Oyster: When horses pee and poo, what do they pee and poo out of?
Assembled company: *manages not to laugh*
(I told him "their bottoms", and mentioned that people normally don't talk about pee and poo at mealtimes. I was pretty sure he was looking for something more specifically anatomical, but for some reason I found it impossible to say "urethra" and "anus" (which would be my usual response in private) at my parents' lunch table. I suppose social niceties are sometimes as important as accuracy...)
[Leaving my parents' house; Oisín has been gnawing on an apple. He's clearly had enough, but he's reluctant to go.]
Mama: OK, time to go now. Bye-bye apple.
Oyster: No, NOT bye-bye, because it doesn't have a mouth or a nose or eyes or ... a chin!
[More on the category boundaries front: we're eating outdoors from paper plates.]
Mama: Will I clear Unny's plate away?
Oyster: No, because it's outside, not in a house.
February to Easter
[There's a Maisy Mouse episode where the friends build "a castle for King Panda" out of bricks.]
Oyster: Unny going to build a castle for King Mama.
Niall: You mean for Queen Mama.
Mama: No, King Mama! Come on!
Oyster (to Niall): Not green Mama!
Mama: I'm not green, am I?
Oyster: Mama is beige-ish.
[The obsession with the triple CD of children's songs was still in full swing (it's worn off now).]
Oyster: Sing "Me and My Teddy Bear".
Mama: *does so; all goes well until the line "Every night he's with me"*
Oyster: No, wibby.
Mama: OK, every night he's wibby.
Oyster: Wibby!
Mama: Yes, wibby.
Oyster: *sighs* We'll have to play it on the CD music player, because Mama doesn't know it.
[I'm sitting at my desk; Oisín's playing in the adjoining living room.]
Oyster (to himself): What's Unny thinking? Unny's going to play some chess. Unny's getting it out.
*sound as of large, heavy chess set being dragged off shelf*
Mama: Do you need help?
Oyster: Unny does. Needs help from [*points dramatically*] Help Woman!
(Later, with a rook clamped in the jaws of his toy JCB: Where does these rooks go?)
[Gender identity was still pretty fluid until a couple of months ago; less so these days.]
Mama: Now, little man -
Oyster: Unny's not a man.
Mama: No, you're right, you're not a man yet. But you'll grow up to be a man.
Oyster: Or a woman.
Mama: Yes, or a woman.
[Niall and I have a fairly standard budgetting conversation. Next day, I'm at the ATM getting cash out.]
Oyster: Mama's getting some money.
Mama: Yes, I'm getting money out of the cash machine.
Oyster: Because Niall just used all of Mama's money.
[I don't know where he got this one - it was months before he weaned.]
Want some real milk, which is milk in a glass.
[On encountering a rocking duck.]
You can't go on ducks! They go on the water. I think it's a toy duck, though, because you can go on it.
[We see some diggers by the side of the road.]
Where are all the other ones? Maybe they're asleep. They'll wake up when it's morning-time and eat their breakfast, which is earth. Their mouth is a scoop.
[We have been discussing the anatomy of his plastic cattle.]
Niall's a cow called a bull 'cause he has no udder just a penis.
(Conversely, while being a horse, Unny has a tail instead of a penis.)
[On the shearing of sheep.]
Somebody cuts all their fur off and it's tickly and they go baaaaaa! baaaaaa!
[First time I heard him use the word "naughty" - it's not really a feature of his vocabulary.]
These are the naughty pigs. They stick out their ... mouths. Their mouths are naughty.
[On feline motion.]
Cats walk when they're lying down.
[On anatine maturation.]
Geese are adult ducks.