Porn for beginners
May. 13th, 2003 09:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
radegundThe embarrassing truth, first of all, to get it out of the way: I tend to skim through my spam before deleting it - mainly because I am pathologically incapable of deleting e-mail if I don't have at least an idea of what's in it, but also for the entertainment value.
(And, needless to say, because I want to experience more intense orgasms, refinance my home at 4.8%, find out what the government doesn't want me to know, and earn $4000 a week stuffing envelopes in my home.)
The following, for your edification and delight, is the text of one of the more amusing pieces of spam to land in my inbox in recent months (be warned, just in case, that it's porn).
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Our members are getting LAID LIKE CRAZY and their email boxes are filling up with responses from horny SWINGERS worldwide! It is possible! We provide a forum for horny singles. A place where they can feel comfortable being open with their sexuality. Our dating system is built inside an adult website so you know the people using it are looking for sex.... NOW!
OVER 1,115 INSTANCES OF FORNICATION DOCUMENTED!
How can it be that our members GET LAID so fucking much?!
1) Because this isn't a Sausage Fest. We make sure that theres 3 girls for every guy! (Other date sites have Gay guys pose as ladies and lie to you...NOT US)
2) Because our women are AUTHENTIC, HORNY, and are looking to GET LAID. We don't trick them, these are LOOSE WOMEN
3) The internet has brought together all walks of life and this is the MOST CONCENTRATED location of Horny Women that need to get FUCKED!
SPACE IS LIMITED! ONLY 124 SPOTS LEFT THIS MONTH! Don't Get Cockblocked! This SPECIAL invitation is given out to ONLY to a select few like yourself! Don't Delay.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
I must confess that I find this almost endearing. I mean, yes, it perpetuates the same old vile old values, but it's so fluffy. It seems so eager to reassure. Its target market is not the filth-sodden, dissolute perv, but the timid boy who just wants to meet a nice accommodating lady online.
Take the carefully documented "instances of fornication" (I see an official with a clipboard making the rounds), or the depiction of a safe place, "built inside an adult website", where it's OK to want sex (and can't you just picture all those "boxes filling up"...mmm-mmm!). This is not like all those nasty, deceitful sites you may have furtively visited, where they take your money and fob you off with something other than the genuine article (like a lying Gay guy posing as a lady - how low can these people go?). This site feels your pain, and knows just what you want. Here are all the Loose Women you have ever dreamed of.
It's somehow so innocent. (Mind you, that's presumably partly because it's such a contrast to the ads for farm girls, naked teen sluts, gang bangs etc. that generally arrive in my inbox.)
(Right. Here's hoping LJ doesn't have a content policy!)
(And, needless to say, because I want to experience more intense orgasms, refinance my home at 4.8%, find out what the government doesn't want me to know, and earn $4000 a week stuffing envelopes in my home.)
The following, for your edification and delight, is the text of one of the more amusing pieces of spam to land in my inbox in recent months (be warned, just in case, that it's porn).
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Our members are getting LAID LIKE CRAZY and their email boxes are filling up with responses from horny SWINGERS worldwide! It is possible! We provide a forum for horny singles. A place where they can feel comfortable being open with their sexuality. Our dating system is built inside an adult website so you know the people using it are looking for sex.... NOW!
OVER 1,115 INSTANCES OF FORNICATION DOCUMENTED!
How can it be that our members GET LAID so fucking much?!
1) Because this isn't a Sausage Fest. We make sure that theres 3 girls for every guy! (Other date sites have Gay guys pose as ladies and lie to you...NOT US)
2) Because our women are AUTHENTIC, HORNY, and are looking to GET LAID. We don't trick them, these are LOOSE WOMEN
3) The internet has brought together all walks of life and this is the MOST CONCENTRATED location of Horny Women that need to get FUCKED!
SPACE IS LIMITED! ONLY 124 SPOTS LEFT THIS MONTH! Don't Get Cockblocked! This SPECIAL invitation is given out to ONLY to a select few like yourself! Don't Delay.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
I must confess that I find this almost endearing. I mean, yes, it perpetuates the same old vile old values, but it's so fluffy. It seems so eager to reassure. Its target market is not the filth-sodden, dissolute perv, but the timid boy who just wants to meet a nice accommodating lady online.
Take the carefully documented "instances of fornication" (I see an official with a clipboard making the rounds), or the depiction of a safe place, "built inside an adult website", where it's OK to want sex (and can't you just picture all those "boxes filling up"...mmm-mmm!). This is not like all those nasty, deceitful sites you may have furtively visited, where they take your money and fob you off with something other than the genuine article (like a lying Gay guy posing as a lady - how low can these people go?). This site feels your pain, and knows just what you want. Here are all the Loose Women you have ever dreamed of.
It's somehow so innocent. (Mind you, that's presumably partly because it's such a contrast to the ads for farm girls, naked teen sluts, gang bangs etc. that generally arrive in my inbox.)
(Right. Here's hoping LJ doesn't have a content policy!)
