Monstrous Knickers

[radegund]

My new "firm support briefs" from Mothercare are unfeasibly huge. They are, in point of fact, the largest knickers in the world. Entire families toiled for generations to pick the cotton that went into them, while countless drill bits wore blunt extracting the oil to make the elastic and the fetching nylon trim. They're virginal white (inappropriately, I realise), and they settle in vast billows about my loins.

We had to get an articulated lorry to transport them from the shop. A team of tanned, muscular salespersons heaved them up the ramp, the sweat glistening on their chiselled biceps, the veins in their necks standing out like hawsers.

Really.

With copy-editorly glee, I note from the packaging that they provide "lumber support", which is good, because I'm definitely lumbering a bit these days.

But they're comfortable. Oh yes. And when I'm finished with them I can send them off to be dyed and made into yurts for indigent Mongolians, or Olympic banners, or something equally worthy.

Comments

[cangetmad.livejournal.com]

Hee! Lumber support. But, then, I still giggle daily when faced with a desk, one of whose drawers is labelled "stationary". I'll never get over that one.

Oh, and I am in the process of emailing you back, honest!

[treasure-box.livejournal.com]

one of whose drawers is labelled "stationary".

OMG, that would give me nightmares!! I'd *have* to change it :-)

[cangetmad.livejournal.com]

Well, I tend to take it in the spirit I'm sure was intended - as a warning to keep an eye on the other drawers, which are inclined to wander. Not that I've ever actually seen them at it...

[treasure-box.livejournal.com]

Lol :D

[radegund.livejournal.com]

a desk, one of whose drawers is labelled "stationary"

I love the image of all the other drawers kind of swooping and floating around the room, and this one, the still point of their turning world...

Oh, and I am in the process of emailing you back, honest!

Yay! (Take yer time.)

[treasure-box.livejournal.com]

I used to have some of those pants, and I have to confess that I wore them for a looong time after the birth, they were so comfy ;-)

[radegund.livejournal.com]

Comfy is definitely good, and I'll probably end up doing the same (even though they'll go greyish in two washes...). But I'm also looking forward with fierce excitement to the prospect of sweeping my knicker drawer clear, as soon as I'm up to it, and buying an entire new set, because they're all manky at this stage, and manky knickers do not gladden my heart!

[stephencass.livejournal.com]

A team of tanned, muscular salespersons heaved them up the ramp, the sweat glistening on their chiselled biceps, the veins in their necks standing out like hawsers.

Mmm, thanks for your non-gender specific description, allowing the mind's eye of the reader to select personally appropriate fantasy figures...

[radegund.livejournal.com]

Quite :-)

[ailbhe]

I just had a quick look trying to find my Biggest Knickers post and failed. They're great, and they're pretty good immediately after the birth too, when the bump is squishy from being emptied, which is kind of uncomfortable, or wasfor me, at any rate.

When are you due?

[radegund.livejournal.com]

when the bump is squishy from being emptied

Ooh, so many icky little details I've yet to discover! :-)

Due on 20 August. Or 19 August, if you believe the other scan. (I believe neither.)

Which is THREE WEEKS FROM FRIDAY. Yaroo!